RESOLVING THE SECRECY ABOUT YOUR SPOUSE’S MINISTRY

It is marriage that brings a couple together before the pursuance of a ministry. Your Marriage is a priority because until it works before you can successfully carry out ministry together. Your spouse is your covenant partner and your companion for life and so it behooves you to do what covenant
partners and companions do together.

WHAT COVENANT PARTNERS DO :
1) Discuss issues that have to do with them with the home without secrecy. Nothing to hide, openness and transparent, Gen 2:25
2) Take major decisions together. Two are better than one, Eccl 4:9-12.
3) Work together to achieve their dreams and visions
4) Each will contribute resources and skills towards the success of their dream
5) Keep the covenant or agreement both made except both agree together to break it, Eze 17:15 ; Mal 2:14-15
6) Both are agreeable. Can two walk together, unless they are agreed, Amos 3:3.
7) They bond as they relate physically and spiritually.
8) They both own and manage the Ministry because both are one, the husband being the head. What God has joined together let no man ( Ministry) put asunder, Gen 2:23-24. A lady General Overseer may be the spiritual head in the Church but in the home, she submits to the authority of her husband. If she submits to him at home and respects him in church, he will cooperate with her to fulfill her Ministry.
9) They are best friends who are committed to each other and to the ministry, Eccl 4:9, Two are better than one. Because they have a good reward for their labor.
10) A partner perseveres, endures, bears, sticks to the partner in time of challenges. This is why two are better than one because if one fall or fail, the other will lift up the fallen or failed companion. So, as a partner, your role is to lift your partner when he is down,but woe to him who is alone, Eccl 4:10.

POSSIBLE CAUSES OF SECRECY :
1) Feels intimidated by the comments you make when he talks to you about the ministry.
2) Afraid that if he says something wrong he will be blasted for it.
3) Fear of failure
4) When faced with constant criticism, prefers to keep to himself than open up, Prov 27:16.

Dr Willard F. Harley says," Many men are emotionally exhausted and feel that for all their effort, they get nothing but criticism",
5) Most men do everything possible to avoid confrontation.
6) Keeps to himself in order to avoid conflict
7) If he is not allowed to be in charge while the wife follows.
8) When you keep putting blame on him for the bad and negative results as a result of his poor judgments while you take credit for the good that has happened as a result of your positive roles.
9) If he doesn't trust your judgment, probably your previous decisions did not yield positive outcome.
10) Jay Kaster, from the book, Family Forum says," I think there's a great difference between a husband not wanting to talk about work and a husband simply not wanting to talk to his wife. So many men feel a need for escape from their jobs when they come home in the evening. They're tense, tired, and what they look for is an entirely opposite environment. To even think about the office brings back the tension". So, your husband may not be interested in talking about his office as soon as he comes back home, discover what interest him that he wouldn't mind talking about. After he is much rested and relaxed, ask him how was his day in the office.

HOW TO RESOLVE SECRECY ABOUT YOUR SPOUSE MINISTRY:

1) Talk to God about your concern. The Holy Spirit will reveal to you that which is hidden.
2) Speak to your spouse about it respectfully without nagging.
3) Review how you have been communicating with him about the ministry and his pastors or workers. Do you castigate the people working for him behind him to have discouraged them?
4) Show interest in whatever he does in ministry and allow yourself to be carried along.
5) Make sacrifices for his vision. Labor and contribute to its growth.
6) Come up with innovative ideas that will promote the ministry.
7) Make constructive criticism rather than destructive criticism that pulls down morale. Instead of saying what behavior you don't like, rather ask if he will be prepared to do something different.
8) Ask reasonable questions that will give you the information you need, 1Kings 21: 5-7. " But Jezebel his wife came to him, and said to him, why is your spirit so sullen that you eat no food. He said to her, Because I spoke to Naboth the Jezreelite, and said to him, give me your vineyard for money;
or else, if it pleases you, I will give you another vineyard for it. And he answered, I will not give you my vineyard. Then Jezebel his wife said to him, you now exercise authority over Isreal ! Arise, eat food, and let your heart be cheerful; I will give you the vineyard of Naboth the Jezreelite".

Be discerning , that is, be able to detect with your spirit and mind that some things are happening that you have not been informed. Then ask questions that will link you to the secret. Why are you moody? Why have you not been eating, you look disturbed, what is happening? I saw you talking with with some people, hope it is well and what happened? I realized you no longer call me to attend leaders meeting in the church, what have I done wrong for you to have kept me out of it or can you tell me why you didn't include me?
Your silence will not help matters. Prov 15:23 says, A word spoken in due season, how good it is. Prov 15:1-2, "A soft answer turns away wrath. But a harsh word stirs up anger. The tongue of the wise uses knowledge rightly. But the mouth of fools pours forth foolishness". Ask questions that will not stir up anger.
9)Develop a sense of good judgement so that your contributions will be worth listening to and given attention.
10)Romantically appeal to him ( Emotional or passionate appeal ) to unveil the secrecy like Delilah did to Samson. If Delilah played a negative role to unveil Samson's secret, you can play a positive role to unveil your spouse's secrecy with the motive of helping him to succeed in life and Ministry. Demonstrate feelings of love.

Judges 16:5-17
Lessons to pick :
i) Delilah was told by the Philistines to entice him in a love affair and then ask him for the secret of his strength , Judges 16:5.
ii) She pleaded with Samson by saying, please. The word 'Please' is a magic word that is compelling. Verse 10
iii) She no longer pleaded but exercised her right as his lover to make a demand on him. She was assertive or bold without been aggressive. She didn't exhibit fear nor timidity. She knew that only a lover has such a capacity to accommodate a statement of assertion from the partner, Verse 13.
iv) She became emotional about it, " How can you say I love you when your heart is not with me", verse 15 ( CEVUK),
Samson, Delilah said, you claim to love me, but you don't mean it! .
v) She pestered him, pressured him with her words daily and still pleaded with him . ( Her nagging was overwhelmed with love affair and not with fight and negative attitude).
Judges 16: 16, Contemporary English Version UK reads, " Delilah started nagging and pestering him day after day, until he couldn't stand it any longer". He couldn't stand the passion at which she was communicating her desire. The passion overwhelmed the danger he was going to face for revealing the secret of his strength .

Nagging is defined as, " To repeatedly remind or complain to someone in an annoying way, often about insignificant matters". Men naturally do not like their wives to nag. Someone like my husband will want me to tell him something once and not talk to him about it again because, according to him, he has heard and will act without me repeating it. Women also naturally like to keep repeating issues as a form of reminder not necessarily with the intention of annoying their husbands but because they want to see an action in response to their demand. The bible describes a nagging wife as a quarrelsome and angry woman, Prov. 21:9, 19; 27:15-16.

Prov 21:9," Better to dwell in a corner of a housetop than in a house shared with a contentious woman".That is a nagging woman.
Of course Delilah was wise enough to nag without been angry and quarrelsome even after Samson deceived her three times, she was calm with an overwhelming emotional expression of love that could put him to sleep on her lap. Her nagging did not take Samson to the corner of the housetops nor take him to wilderness but took him to her lap! It was on her lap she got the secret and not at the corner of their house top. She got the secret she needed because she persisted.
vi) Finally, Samson told her the truth . He told her all his heart. " I have belonged to God ever since I was born, so my hair has never been cut. If it were ever cut off, my strength would leave me, and I would be as weak as anyone else". Verse 17
vii) Delilah could discern from his speech that Samson had finally told her the truth. She was able to influence him emotionally to speak out his secret, Verse 18

You can spiritually influence your husband through your prayers as you talk to God about his secrecy which you are not comfortable about. It is what you ask God for that He will give you.

You can also emotionally touch his heart in submission to his authority and gentleness of heart through your speech and actions. You can see the emotional attachment in Verse 19,(ERV), " Delilah got Samson to sleep with his head lying in her lap ". Delilah lulled him to sleep. She made Samson to sleep on her laps. Am sure if she was fighting him it wouldn't have been possible, if she had refused to cook for him she wouldn't have been bold enough to come close to him, if she had denied him love and sex he wouldn't have slept with his head on her lap. She was up to the task!
May your wisdom surpass Delilah's own in a positive direction in Jesus name.